CAN YOU FEEL THE FIRE!! i KNOW you can, dont DENY it! let it ENGULF you, engulf you like clothes!

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Hybrid series:

Harry Potter and the Princess of Alderaan

010 WOAH… far out dude…

The Y2K Falcon was now returned to almost complete operational form, lacking the use of its sublight engines. Though it could jump into hyperspace whilst still in earth’s gravitational field, due to its gravity well projectors’ ability to manipulate and erase the effects of massive gravitational bodies in space, the ship would need to reach certain speeds to achieve the correct vector for the hyper jump.

In resolution to this, Harry Potter (now transformed into Super Wizard Harry, Level One with large muscles, a glowing flowing yellow mane of hair with an enormous club of a wand) summoned a team of wands to levitate and move the ship as necessary….. or so they hoped.

The rescue party and the wizards took the ship down a clear way down the Hogfarts Express train tracks.

“We need to reach a speed of 88 earth miles to achieve a hyperjump. We wont concern ourselves with the direction of our jump, as long as we can get into space and the HARDBONE will be able to reach us. Can anyone see us if we take this track further?” asked captain Jaina Solo.

“Oh no! This railroad is protected by heavy concealment magic, no Muggles could ever find or follow us” replied Hagrid proudly. The Canadian Spoon freighter was now gathering more and more speed as it speed along the train tracks usually occupied by the Hogfarts train, which was now at the other end in London waiting to pick up Hogfarts students for the new term. It was early morning and students and their families were even now seeing each other off on platform nine and three quarters.

“Is this the maximum speed these brooms can take us?” asked the Bothan, Werewomaan.

“These are the best brooms in the magical world! What do expect when their only meant for carrying one person, as opposed to this sphinx of a car.” replied Harry in his baritone. “I’m not even sure if the brooms can even keep this up for long.”

“Artoo’s geological maps show that theres a length of railroad on a mountain slope where we can accelerate to our desired speed of 88 miles, but it is a fair way from here, we need only follow the tracks and we’ll reach there in half a day” prompted Threepio after consulting with R2-D2, an astromech droid specialising in navigation and computation.

“Half a day?!” roared Hagrid, scaring Fang into a jolt, “why, we’ll be in London by then, dangerously close to London station! You sure theres enough track for us to jump safely, I hope this ‘jumping’ that your going to do is safe… “

“I assure you sir” replied See Threepio in his most prissy manner, “my counterpart here may have a glitch in his mood simulators, but his navigational calculations are most accurate.”

Harry the Super Wizard, Level One began to droop and doze off as he lost control. He slumped to the floor and his body reverted to its original adolescent form. His club also shrunk back into its fragile stick like form. Even though Harry had returned to his original scrawny self, the princess now saw the wizard in a totally different spectrum.

“Bout time” thought Harry, “after all that work, my summoning spell has finally yielded juicy forbidden fruit!”

Receiving this incomputable input, all three droids caused a ruckus. Elecranon started levitating metal objects and throwing them at people’s heads, Artoo kept prodding and shocking people at groin height with his welder arm and Threepio was basically being his usual nosy annoying self,

“Oh mistress Leia! You cant go around flirting with that silly sith like some $7.50 tramp from kashyk!” What would master Solo say! And think of your children; Jacen, Anakin and captain Solo!...”

“MY CHILDREN?! CAPTAIN SOLO MY CHILD?!” screamed the Alderaanian princess…. in laughter, “that’s the most ridiculous thing I’v ever heard! And I work in government politics!”

“Aigh’ but its true lassie” interrupted Lumpocrap, “never knew a finer man than Jacen Solo, he saved me den he did!” It was then inevitable that Leia accept this as the truth, for as anyone who knows anything knows; “large alien rats that wear kilts and talk Scottish always tell the truth.”

“But how can you be my daughter, I… I’m still chaste, and there hasn’t even been a man in my life… before now anyway” she admitted, stealing a glance at the residing Level One Super Wizard in the ship. “this Han Solo had better be one Draconian of a man! What is he? The prince of some remote, yet incredibly wealthy system from the outer rim? Or maybe, maybe he’s a dashing rogue of a Bespin gas mining investor?”

“Actually I believe he was a smuggler at the time” replied Jaina, “but darn he could fly! If it were up to me, id marry a stick happy space truckie any day!”

“Then how you people get here? By some Time reversal charm? Or maybe a Memory highlighter potion?” pondered Hagrid.

“It was all thanx to this dickhead!” ranted Threepio “the Jedi council believe that his meddling in the great Force powers has ripped a portal in the x-y-z-space continuum causing mistress Leia to arrive here on Earth and us to be transported back in time by a few decades. We bring future porn!”

“Hmmmm” considered Harry, “the captain here is obvious some sort of witch, yet Leia, her mother doesn’t seem to display any magical abilities, where you completely muggle born or is their a lucky wizard involved?”

Harry was hoping to get his wand on this ‘Han Solo’ and show him a thing or two about stealing his hoe.

“Mug-what?... my father’s side didn’t have any trace of Force users, but the Force is strong enough on my mother’s side…”

“ME?! I couldn’t suck on paddlepop if my ass depended on it!” exclaimed the princess.

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“SIF! And my granddad isn’t Darth Vader!” retorted Jaina with a snort. Leia stared unblinking at Jaina after this piece of apparent sarcasm confused. “you know… black helmet, black cape, deep voice like Simba’s dad from Lion King, raspy breathing with a filtrator, purged all the Jedi from the known universe, likes to make people choke… he’s your dad“

“that’s…. that’s heavy….” muttered the princess as she slumped into a chair. “but I thought Bail Organa was my fa…”

“Nope, all lies, you’re the daughter of a mass dictator murderer.” replied Jaina casually, she’d been telling this story over and over again to all her college friends. “never got a bad grade in school ever, just made a choking gesture at my lecturers and it set their minds straight.”

Thinking he still had a chance if he moved in early, Harry asked “So… does this Darth Vader like cars? Or maybe hes into the footy? What team does he go for?!...”

“He rides in a TIE Advanced and he follows the Nghori Nutcrackers” informed Threepio. “Also Artoo informs me that we are now approaching the designated slope, and the point of the No Return – the old abandoned windmill…”

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Hybrid series:

Harry Potter and the Princess of Alderaan

008  *Scratch Scratch* Iv Won!

After Harry had told Hagrid, the Hogfarts grounds and gamekeeper, about the alien captives, Hagrid was only too aroused to check it out. But just in case things got frisky, he equipped himself with a crossbow and brought along his faithful dog, Fang (no relation to Disney’s mongrel husky dog character ‘Fang’ from the Disney movie ‘Fang’).

Harry pulled out his wand and summoned his Invisibility cloak from the dorm, “Summoning no Jutsu!” It came flying down from a Hogfarts tower and straight to Harry’s hands. They planned to sneak into the dungeons and ambush the Dean whilst under stealth. Since Hagrid was a half giant, they couldn’t fit both Harry, Hagrid and Fang under the cloak. So they enlarged the cloak with a charm, “Super size me!”

Now that the Invisibility cloak was the size of a small circus tent, the three crept into the dungeons to find the Dean, having his way with the captives…..

XXXXXXXXXXXXX For censorship reasons, the full version of this chapter has been disclosed and can only be viewed by those with premium membership to drumonastick’s super saiyan stores: the next level up! Credit/debit cards and money orders are not acceptable, a full transaction of $AU7.50 must be made in CASH to the national headquarters of your own country (every country does have a HQ) Following is the name of YOUR licensed national drumonastick’s super saiyan stories: the next level   up! treasurer to which you should pay to, now that you have already taken $7.50 out of your wallet and want to read on NOW! So pay to “ron” XXXXXXDO ITXXXXXX

After witnessing the highly offensive, yet highly erotic on-goings of the Dean in the Dungeon with his helpless captives, Harry and Hagrid made a mental note to subscribe to drumonastick’s super saiyan stories: the next level up! afterwards, for toilet reading material of course…

Hagrid also noted to get a subscription for Fang as well.

After the Dean had completed his business and was quite exhausted, they jumped him. Throwing the cloak off and revealing themselves to the unsuspecting Dean gave them an advantage, in which they stunned the titillating teacher, “Set to Stun!” yelled Harry brandishing his wand.

The Jedi wernt so surprised at the sudden appearance of their ‘rescuers’. The Force was able to tell them that lifeforms were approaching with an intention to attack. But they were way too tired from the kinkiness to act…

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Hagrid was instantly stupefied with the weird arrangements of creatures before him, but what caught his eye, and Fang’s, was Werewomaan the Bothan…

Allowing themselves to be freed by their rescuers, Captain Jaina Solo, princess Leia Organa, the jedi and the droids continued their charade a little longer to discover more information, hopefully something to help them get back to their ride, the Second class Imperial Star Destroyer, the HARDBONE which was orbiting the Earth even now under stealth cloak. To think the natives had a portable cloak of stealth! Anakin Solo, Jaina’s science whiz of a brother would have loved to get his shifty hands on one.

“No thanks for saving a damsel in distress?” winked Harry as he untied the princess’s bonds. As soon as her hands were free, Leia slapped the young wizard across the face and stated “This is the worst rescue I’v ever had!” Not yet a Jedi and unaccustomed to her strength in the Force, the princess didn’t realize the others were only pretending to be captured, she was only such a naïve, innocent, nubile, virgin thing after all.

“Why in the contrary mistress Leia! I remember when master Han, master Luke, Artoo and myself rescued you from the clutches of the first Death……”

Jaina immediately seized the golden interpreter droid to shut him up before he gave any more future tit bits to this young version of her mother.

“He called me mistress again? And whats this about rescuing me?! I don’t recall any of these other masters your talking about?!” pondered the confused princess.

“Oh don’t worry about him princess” interrupted Captain Solo “overloaded capacitor he has”

“I do not! Indeed Captain Solo, I am in perfect condition and at full operational status….”

Artoo started flashing some binary from his one road block grade orange light: (active high) “1001010011010101101010101101111100”

“Stick a space wrench up my wrench of a mother’s ventilation system! Why I never, you excuse for a overcomplicated, inefficient array of a coffee machine!”

To change the subject to something more constructive, Lumpocrap, the Selonian Jedi asked the native Force users, “Our ship has been inverted using weird Force powers, would you have any idea about it?”

“Bullocks!” shouted Harry, Hagrid and grunted Fang. “the giant rat can talk!” Lumpocrap seemed to take offence at this, as he then reached for his lightsaber, switched it on and hummed it through the stone wall.

“HOO That’s some wan’ you got there!” exclaimed Hagrid as he backed away.

Harry saw the dismay of the now roadblock droid and whipped out his wand and distinctly said “Reversio!”

A small draught of yellow wind covered the barricade and with a POOF! Artoo Detoo was standing there tootling and whirling once again. Disco lights began emitting from his swiveling dome and the trio of droids began to do some funky robot dancing! classic stuff….

“I think the same counter spell should work for that inversion charm the Dean cast on your ship. But whether I’ll be strong enough to break it, we’ll have to see” muttered Harry as they made their way into the courtyard where the inverted ship sat unmoving and spasmic looking.

Harry pointed his wand at the hippy styling clump of circuits which was once the Y2K Falcon and shouted “Reversio!” A gust of yellow wind shot out from his wand and covered the ship, protruding parts began to sink back inside as if inverting, but squirted back out againin vain.

“It wern’ strong enough ‘arry” Hagrid stated obviously.

“I know what I must do” whispered Harry, mostly to himself. He started scratching at the lightening bolt shaped scar on his forehead, HARDER and FASTER he scrubbed until a layer of skin peeled off revealing hidden black words like a scratchie card, “INSTANT WIN!”

Harry could feel his body and wand power up and simmer, he started to convulse and spasm. His whole body began to tighten and pump up with muscle and magical strength. He began screaming in a long monotone yell. Hagrid and Fang, realizing what Harry was trying to pull, went to hide behind a statue of a she-male gargoyle and told the others to do the same. Harry’s hair began to lengthen and glow as his body grew larger and stronger. And then with a final burst of scream and power, his hair lengthened and erupted into a golden shining mane of hair and his wand had turned into some sort of prehistoric club.

He was now Super Wizard Harry, Level One.

He pointed his clonky chunk of a club at the ship and shouted in a low growl which scared birds away from the Hogfarts castle, “Reversio!”